i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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