Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
