i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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