using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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