Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize