My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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