just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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