i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
