You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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