Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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