Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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