I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested