I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!