but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not coming to work today because tequila