Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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