yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?