spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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