So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
