hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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