I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
