I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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