so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Acid is not a monday night drug
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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