I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
