Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
