So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
