I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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