you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
