If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
