i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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