Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
