yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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