I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
