After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize