I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
