I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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