if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
