Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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