9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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