well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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