discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
