Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
