soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
