don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
