After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He shit in the fireplace
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
