i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
