Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
