you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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