her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
