I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
