I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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