I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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