Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
