Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
