im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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