If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
