I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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