I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
