On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i will never coherently bang her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
