i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
