i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
