you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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