There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize