Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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