When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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