apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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