Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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