The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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